Intro

I have never felt particularly special. I have never felt like I was part of something bigger or unimaginably beautiful. I have always thought of other people being more deserving of big achievements. I am just in the background. Not part of the conversation. I have no authority over anything. Things move more smoothly the more agreeable I am. My opinions do not matter. My art does not belong on the wall. I am taking up space from someone who is more deserving, more creative.

Imposter

I have been good at things before. I have seen people be impressed with things I have done before. I just never thought of anything I have ever done to be that special or as amazing as other people have said. It's not even about comparison sometimes. I do not think of myself as one of the people designated for any form of greatness. Maybe I looked at my work for so long it lost shape. Maybe everyone is being nice. It's sweet but I don't see it. When I do see it, it's hard to believe that it had anything to do with me.

I have crocheted, written stories and poetry. I was really good at chess for a long time. I don't know why I ever stopped. I really loved chess. I am a creative person, but nothing I ever make stands out in any way.

Built because I was born

I look like a person. I have a face, I have a body. Because that's what people have. Nothing stands out. Just a body that functions. A body I sometimes don't like. A body I often try not to acknowledge.

The thief of joy

I often compare myself to other people. It's sad but it happens. I see them do normal things I should be able to do. I see them do extraordinary things that I could learn to do. I don't imagine anyone has ever looked at me an thought the same.